Don't Lose Your Nerve

"These are the best days of our lives... it's a terrible thing to know" (Pirate Radio).

Alright, so it sucks to be away from the "family" this year, but this is still going to be a good year.  Because only 5 months separate us, and during those 5 months I'm looking at discovering a lot.  And then I get to come home and have a fantastic (albeit shortened) summer with my fantastic female room mates and with the boys hopefully nearby.  And then I get to finish of Bachelor's Degree Number Two.

Plus, I have had a list sitting on this computer for three years called "Stuff I will do with my best friends" and I've never felt the desire to crack it out... until now.  So hold onto your socks, because in 5 months we are about to have so so many fun times.

There are no life updates, really, so I just wrote what was on my mind.  I spent my weekend shut up in Kathy's apartment with her and Jemima while we hit the books.  I spent my day memorizing the History of the French Society from the Middle Ages until today (only to arrive in class and discover the exam is a week from now. Fail!).  I've spent my evening memorizing details about every painting we studied in Art for the exam tomorrow.  Tomorrow I will memorize everything in my Philosophy course.  Thursday is Rhythm Exam: The Sequel.  Saturday is Grammar.  Monday is History.  Sometime soon thereafter I will write my exam to get into my program for next semester.  And then Italy!  (Also perhaps Germany, and maybe even the Netherlands?)

Besitos!

Redeemer University College

Yes, it costs a lot. Yes, I will have worked too hard for the degrees I will be getting. Yes, I will have a less well-known name on my certificate. However, I am glad to be a student at Redeemer.

Firstly, I'm glad I go to school. If I had gone straight to the workplace I would be forever unhappy. I would have a lot of unused brain power and I would always wonder what could have been. I also have seen many people who've gone straight into the workplace being so unhappy with their lives and compensating in stupid ways.

Secondly, I'm glad I go to this school. I'm glad I am somewhere where not everyone feels the need to go out drinking simply for "the college experience". I'm glad I am somewhere where we can openly discuss faith and issues without worrying about sounding closed-minded. I'm glad I am somewhere that doesn't make me feel the need to be "hot" or "cool" or anything that isn't simply me.

Lastly, I'm glad I'm in the crowd that I am in. It took a while, but I am now surrounded by honest and caring people. They expect nothing from me besides my love, and the same is returned. Grateful doesn't begin to describe it.

Choir Tour 2010!

Why Choir (And Tour) is Amazing:

10. The voyage. In all three of my years in Choir I have yet to experience a far-away tour, but I have high hopes forthat in my fifth year. Outside of that, however, the trips to Quebec and Northern Ontario have actually been loads of fun. It's essentially a giant, God-centered road trip with a bundle of your best friends.

9. The attitudes. Granted, some people are there for poor reasons and have bad attitudes. And even still some people with great attitudes get tired and cranky. But there is no denying that it is hard to imagine any group of 20-something-year-olds with more joyful spirits.

8. The jokes. Every tour has them, and some of them are just too good to forget. This year for me it is Dontcha, Taylor's attempts at French and Joz my passionate lover. And I love the fact that I can glean this from a week of bus-riding and fatigue!

7. The music. Take it from someone who favours screamo, rock and punk over Beethoven, Bach and Handel (not Liszt, I would take him over anything!), there is a whole world of absolutely incredible music that our generation is going to miss out on. Were it not for Choir I would never have heard of O Magnum Mysterium (Lauridsen), Christus Factus Est (Bruckner), Crucifixus (Lotti) and Requiem (Faure's, Gilles' and Brahms') among many other marvelous repertoire.

6. Sopranos. They might be divas sometimes, but so many of these ladies are the nicest, most honest people I have ever met. Many of them inspire me to be more in touch with my femininity.

5. Tenors. There are few sections where you can find pop stars, politicians, math buffs and basketball players. But we have them all, and they love nothing more than to give out hugs and spread joy.

4. Basses. Some of the manliest men I know, and some of the most reliable friends I have.

3. Altos. There is not one alto in choir that I don't absolutely adore. These ladies are entirely dedicated to love, to God, and to each other.

2. Dr. Teeuwsen. While he may come across to almost everyone in their first impression as the scariest, most intimidating man alive, T-Man is like a giant teddy bear. True, he plays organ like a world champ. And true, if you aren't singing to your full potential he'll scare the crap out of you in a concert. However, he will also sing "Dontcha" and "Go for a Soda" on the bus, will hug anyone, anywhere, anytime, and will become your father while you are at school.

1. Faith.  I'm not the only one who wants desperately to understand, and when we sing songs like this all together, I feel certain that we're all seeking answers together.

Your humor makes me, makes me nauseous.

"Whoa, when I take off my glasses you all got smaller."
-intense laughter-
"Who knew the number one mood killer is taking off your glasses? Dear Erica: note to self -- get contacts!"
(The summary of why I shouldn't speak around my friends... Lol).

Not going to lie, I'm pretty sick of seeing plaid. And big glasses that serve no real purpose. Not that I'm sad that the hippie trend has moved on to the hipster trend, just that I'm sad that the vast majority of people I know still follow trends. I feel like we're old enough to have self-defined by now, without the use of trends and fads.

Someone mentioned to me a few weeks ago that my group of friends and I are more like a family than friends. I think that's true. We do have a frame in our living room that says 'our family' full of pictures of us. I am very grateful for these friends. Even more than that, I'm grateful for how real and deep they all are. It's a huge blessing.

I've also come to realize this week how much my three best friends from high school mean to me. It's tough for us to all be moving on, but I feel that if I devote enough time and effort, I can hold on to these friendships forever.

Lately I've been enjoying foreign films and independent films. I hope everyone who reads this checks out a few in their lifetime. Here is a small, 20-minute film that may have changed my life last night.

Discretion's Not What I Need to Sell.

Quote of the year... courtesy of Personality Psychology and Dr. Hackney.
"The Hackney Dirty Slut Index: On a scale of prude to hooker, where would you place yourself?"

Marvelous.
Simply marvelous!

Be a part of an institution, lead the way in a revoloution.

I realized yesterday that I am going to need a year off after school just to swallow and process all the information I will have absorbed during my 5-year long adventure in Bachelor of Arts with an Honours French Major, Psychology Minor and Bachelor of Education.

I love my house. I live with some of the best guys around; Richard, Kevin, Corey, Chad and Nathan, as well as my stellar roomie Amanda. Two weeks ago at devos, we spent all night making jokes about Richard making porn and Corey being a pedophile. This week at devos we spent almost two hours discussing whether Deedz was doing God’s work or not. Just based on the fact that we can be laughing in both of those discussions means that I have found a crowd I can fit into, have fun with, grow with and learn from. I think that is as good as it gets.

One of my goals for this school year is to have 100 coffee dates. So far I have managed to squeeze in 5. I'm so excited for all of these coffee dates. So many people here are so amazing and have a lot of wisdom to offer.

Apparently many people from my school no longer believe in short-term missions. Anyone who doesn’t believe in short-term missions needs to move past “numbers” and “results” and look up God’s commandment to take care of the widow and the orphan. I’m pretty sure He didn’t specify how long we had to spend with them to ‘take care’ of them. And I’m also pretty sure He didn’t tell us to ensure “results”. And how can we measure efficiency, change or worth? Certainly not the way He measures efficiency, change or worth.

Everyone who thinks choral music is lame should listen to Crucifixus by Lotti and O Magnum Mysterium by Lauridsen.

Today was “Random Act of Chocolate Day”, in the world of my I.T. Boss. Score!

When it's Not Worth Dying For

This has been quite the time...

After naming my year the "Year of Accountability" I got to fight through mess after mess of defining accountability and judgment, being held accountable, and holding others accountable. Though I'm grateful for the lessons of the year so far, I'm hoping it's a little smoother sailing as I move into my third year at Redeemer.

I learned a lot about people by stirring the pot in our little faith community, that's for sure. When people feel that their way of life is threatened, I find there are two basic reactions; they either consider the validity of this new viewpoint, or they automatically declare it wrong and fight back viciously. I think that as Christians we need to be careful of this. God has called us to correction, and yet we have to be sure we are being corrected and not led astray. It reminds me of the song 21 Guns, by Green Day (honestly, I love this group and really appreciate their honest lyrics) which asks "Do you know what's worth fighting for?"

This year was tough, because only some people took correction very well, and even took it upon themselves to correct me on my own failings. Moments like these made me glad to be a Christian. (Not to mention I ended up with a boyfriend out of the deal, who just may be the greatest guy on earth). However, there were some people that refused to consider correction and lashed out in every way possible against this threat to their way of living. There were times when I was confused because I didn't even know who was fighting against me, and there were times where I was afraid because I felt everyone was fighting against me.

Luckily, though, I made it through the year relatively unscathed. This year (which is still the "Year of Accountability" until New Years) will hopefully pick up in a very different place than it left off.

Just Last the Year.

It disturbs me that sometimes people actually don't WANT love/peace/joy/friendship/simplicity/honesty.
They'd rather raise hell.
They'd rather be right.
They'd rather cause problems.
They'd rather get attention.

...

Disturbing.

Some may run and some know fear.

15 Reasons Why Most Redeemer-ites Want Me Dead:

15. I have [many] body piercings.

14. I believe that if we are truly Christians we will be out there in the world doing whatever we can and that those who make excuses not to do anything must not have God's love and compassion in them.

13. I believe that knowing God leads to a living and active faith and knowing about God leads to a dead, debate and rule-filled religion.

12. I have no problem speaking my mind.

11. I don't believe in 'one holy catholic church' because I don't believe that we are holy... yet.

10. I believe that the charismatic churches are doing more for the Kingdom's cause than the reformed churches.

9. I believe that emotion is an important part of worship.

8. I believe that the "Christian" music industry is ruining any chance we ever had of sharing our message. **

7. I believe accountability is important.

6. I believe that music of any style can be made by Christians (That's right; I believe Underoath is both an awesome band and a Christian band).

5. I believe reading the Bible is infinitely more important than reading books written by Christians. (This includes Calvin's writings!)

4. I believe we should have friends who are not Christian.

3. I believe that the gifts of the Spirit are a sign of the Holy Spirit in you. (Including praying in tongues).

2. I believe our faiths should change us.

1. I think Redeemer needs to be confronted by God and changed.






** I know this one can get confusing: Too many bands make it in the Christian music industry who are not musically excellent because we are not competitive enough; often, making it in the Christian music scene is a cop-out of the true competition in the secular industry. Because of this, the Christian music industry is seen as a joke. If a Christian band is good enough, they could make it into the real music scene. And the influence of having God's message on the iPods of non-Christians does so much more than have mediocre music pumping God's message into the ears of Christians who already know it. I don't know if that explains it or not, if you want to ask me in person, go for it.

Thoughts on Faith.

For God commanded angels to watch over you
That they shall protect you in all your living keep you
For their hands will uphold and guide you
Lets you dash your foot against a stone, stumbling
For they shall protect you
In all your living keep you
For they shall, shall protect you
They shall protect you, protect and keep you


"From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it." Matthew 11:12.

"Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling" Philippians 2:12b.

I like to imagine what a pure faith would look like.  Not a religion full of useless rules or something stupid like that... but a real faith that somehow made our world better or managed to actually exemplify love.

I'm Glad I Didn't Die Before I Met You.

**Profanity Warning: some of the quotes in today's post contain crude language!**

There are two activists I admire in the world right now.
Banksy and Chuck Palahniuk.

Banksy is a street artist who uses his graffiti to make political statements. "I like to think I have the guts to stand up anonymously in a western democracy and call for things no-one else believes in - like peace and justice and freedom." His true identity is entirely unknown. Says Banksy on his own mysterious identity: "I have no interest in ever coming out. I figure there are enough self-opinionated assholes trying to get their ugly little faces in front of you as it is." Banksy has traveled the world with his art, which has been found from a wall near Bethlehem, a beach in Cuba and recently on an abandoned gas station in Birmingham. I have high respect for someone who isn't wasting his time just thinking about changing the world. There are far too many people who sit on their asses doing nothing productive; they strive for monetary success, for popularity, for fun at others' expense, for fame. Banksy says that "in the future, so many people are going to become famous that one day everybody will end up being anonymous for 15 minutes."

Chuck Palahniuk is an author, most well-known for the anti-consumerism film Fight Club. His books often revolve around a character who has been marginalized by society and reacts with self-destructive aggressiveness. Chuck offers "Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves", as explanation for this destruction. Chuck begs for each person to do better than they are doing. "Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives." Often, Chuck's novels are depressing in a terrifyingly true way; "Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality."

I am so impressed by these two men who have taken non-conventional approaches to changing the world around them. There are far too many people who spread hatred instead of love. Especially, and sadly, in the Christian community. Neither Chuck Palahniuk nor Banksy are Christian. In fact, both are likely to take Ghandi's stance on Christianity; "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are nothing like your Christ."

One thing I have noticed at Redeemer is the lack of action. I know many people on campus, and enjoy the company of very few. Every other week I and a team of three other incredible people lead Deedz Ministries downtown. Often we hear that people are too busy to participate. And yet, some boys on campus have decided they have the time to create a fake personality "Jody Summers" on Facebook and harass other students with her account. That certainly sounds like good Christians trying to change the world around them for the better. I realize we all fail, but we could do much better than we're doing. If everyone chose one good act to do everyday, and in return eliminated one negative act, people might take Christianity a little more seriously. and maybe we could hope to inspire the change that Banksy and Chuck Palahniuk have.

As I'm Leaving.

It's been a confusing season in my life.

I took on too much this semester. Yes,I am actually admitting it. I had no time for myself. I also had very little time fro a lot of friends. But that doesn't mean I lost all contact with people. I made quite a few new friends this year, and managed to build on the relationships I had, especially with Dan and Austin, who made time for ME. I realized this semester that friendship is a two-way street and it's not always up to me to make the sacrifices.

I lost my grandma this semester, just three weeks ago. Not that I knew her well, mind you, but losing a family member is still a strange feeling. I also missed her funeral, due to my aforementioned busy schedule. As well, my family is very complicated and I knew my presence was needed for some and definitely not needed for others. I'm still not sure how I feel about what I did.

I also realized this semester that I have an irrational fear of all of my friendships peaking and eventually petering off. I can't tell you why I feel like this, or where this fear came from, but for the first time in my life I don't feel my friendships are indestructible. I feel like they are as fallible as I am... and I don't know what to do about it.

I had a lot of rough times this semester, but also a lot of good ones. All in all, I enjoyed myself, but feel as though I have more questions than answers right now.
Next semester I start brand new.

I Need You So Much Closer.

True friends...
-Leave their bed to stay out all night and think with you
-Drive all night long with you to see your friend
-Hold your hand when it's cold
-Watch the moon with you
-Are honest, no matter what the truth is
-Stop keeping track of who owes who
-Can take correction when they're wrong
-Can correct you when you're wrong

The Days We Went Crazy

My current life:

- 8 courses, none of which I love, but only one of which I hate... unfortunately, that is my major
- IT desk, where I do readings and/or watch videos
- Language lab, where I generally do readings
- French/Spanish tutor, which seems to not be doing much lately
- Freeway Cafe, where I get to hear wonderful bands and serve people fair-trade coffee
- Debutante/Amy, our indecisively-named band, where I get to hang out with my best friends and do the one thing we love most
- CEW Team, where we basically dance and worship creatively
- Green Team, where I get to make sure Redeemer is taking care of the environment as best as possible
- Environment Hamilton, where I make sure Hamilton keeps up with Redeemer :P
- Small Group leader, where I get to lead some youngsters (they're pretty much older than me) in our meetings about God; think church, but little
- Small Group Ministries Leader, where I make sure all the people doing that are doing it well
- Outdoors Club, where I get to spend time with Redeemerites and nature... all at once!
- Choir, which we all know is my favorite, where I apparently get to meet my future soprano husband? (come on; we all know I'm marrying a bass)
- Revival Prayer Team Leadership, where I get to make sure that Redeemer students are actively living out their faith... by praying for them
- Deeds Leadership, where I plan short-term missions trips and lead them!
-M.Ed theses, where I am translating correspondences between M.Ed students and administrators in Haiti and Dr. Sider, a professor at Redeemer

Occasionally there are some meals in there, sometimes a bit of sleep. Not too much, but enough!

"Godyssey"

The addition to Keith's blog in my blogroll is something of which you should all take note. For those of you who have had the privilege of knowing Keith, you know he is an incredible man of God. He is about to embark on an adventure which many Christians only dream about in the latest, darkest and most honest part of the night. Keith is driving South. I don't mean to Windsor, nor to I mean to somewhere in the United States. Keith is taking his little Toyota and driving as far south as one can get. Because he has been called to do so.

Says Keith: "Increasingly my existence is qualified by a mysterious connection of my heart to a supernatural entity that is forever outside of my comprehension and that I fumble to describe. I’ve never seen it and can’t explain it, but it exerts incredible force on a part of me, and in a way which, I don’t understand. But there is intelligence and compassion in it: life. . . personality. It has gained my trust and won my love, even returning it a thousand-fold. It has shown me truth and revealed His face."

Please keep him in your prayers. It is not every day that someone risks all they have for the gospel, especially not in our western world.

How to Save a Life.

Pack up your life
Into boxes and crates.
Go home to an empty house
Which is no longer home.
Unpack your life.
Pack up your life.
Move to a campus
Which is not quite a home.
Full of people
Who are not quite family.
Smile
Study.
Achieve.
Pack up your life
Into boxes and crates.
Move to another house
Which is not quite a home.
Repeat for four years.

The Weekend Waltz.

Weekends are always nice. Weekends with with Dan Kikkert and Austin Miedema are tons of fun!

We went to Coffee Culture, where we drank coffee and discussed life.
We went to a concert where Dan played (and played very well!)
We went to a playground and played grounder.
We went to a free BBQ where a certain vegetarian was unhappy.
We went to a convenience store to buy a lot of energy drinks.
We went to the Gateway and played hide-and-seek.
We went to the beach and fought each other after spinning.
We went to the park and discussed life, death, disease and poverty.

I feel as though these boys are like brothers. They remind me of my old band, my old football team, and even my old tenor section. It's nice to be able to be yourself among a group of guys who see you as one of them and not some sex object. Such a blessing.

I'm sitting here now, missing Redeemer very much and getting very excited for the fall. Also, and I am sitting here, I am noticing that my laughing muscles are once again quite sore. :)

Time To Move On.

(A song by Tom Petty -- super good).
Since I am an expert at moving (I'd say 12 moves can qualify me for that title. I'd hate to be someone who's moved more than that!), I thought I would offer my suggestions for fellow house-shufflers.

1) Boxes don't always save space. Sometimes you need oddly-shaped things to cram into little spots in the van.
2) Sticky tack is NOT better off in a plastic bag. Just trust me.
3) Don't move in the rain if you can help it.
4) Dressers are lighter without the drawers.
5) Drawers can hold things inside them when they are stacked.
6) Hangers don't fit in boxes... unless they are metal and you have the time to bend them all.
7) Pay the housing deposit BEFORE you move in.
8) Buy some food before you move in. you know, in case you can't get to a grocery store for... say... 3 days.
9) Understand that boxes break and bags rip. But laundry baskets are eternal!
10) A phone line and internet connection are good things to set up. Soon.
11) Stealing the neighbor's internet connection is not nice.
12) Especially if you can only get it beside the window that has no view.
13) The longer you spend packing, the less time you will spend unpacking. You pick which one you want to take longer.
14) Having someone help you is always nice.
15) Having more someones to help is even nicer.
Bonus tip:
16) Don't let a metal bed-frame sit against a van window. In case of ... er .... sudden turns.

Earthquake.

(My favourite song by the Used... for now...)


I didn't brush my hair today.
I shrunk my shirt in the dryer.
My jeans are dirty.
I have a killer of a cold.
Today two people told me I looked good.

Redeemer, sometimes you rock my socks off!

Return. You Were Supposed to Return.

(That's a lyric from OK Go's "Return", an excellent song).

I'm feeling compelled to share my journal for today. Mainly because I'm feeling compelled to type it instead of write it, but I assume there's a reason for that.

Throughout the past few weeks, our dorm has lost much of the joy and unconditional love that it had at the beginning of the year. It seems that as we grow more comfortable with each other, we grow further apart. Why is this? I doubt I'll ever understand. However, this made the dorm environment less than 'joyful', and less than enjoyable. It got to the point where I would go to the music rooms or Library just to avoid going home.

But on Reading Week, I was blessed enough to be able to go on a tour of Québec and Ontario with Redeemer's Concert Choir. I had been excited for a while, but I had not fully understood what it would mean. I knew there would be a lot of work involved, but I assumed that by the end of the week relationships would have deteriorated much like my dorm. After all, seeing people every moment of every day for a week -- sleeping with them, being on the bus for hours, practicing in small areas, changing side by side, eating with them -- can be fairly grueling.

Words can never express how wrong I was. The people in Redeemer's Choir are unlike any other people I have ever met. Every person, no matter how tired or emotional made time for others. Everyone was joyful all the time. People allowed their toes to be stepped on, and I didn't hear one complaint all week. People showed unconditional love at all times.

I've never felt anything like I felt on choir tour. I haven't grown up in the church like a lot of people here at Redeemer, and my view of Christians has been tainted by a lot of past experiences. But if someone were to ask me to point out someone who truly lives out their faith, I would be forced to point to the other 34 students and 1 director in my Choir.

To be a part of it has been a great blessing... Even if I am just a tenor :)