A Perfect Christmas?

I wish I could trade this:


For this:


Sometimes I think Christmas is the worst season of the year for depression and suicides because Hollywood forgets the way so many people end up spending their holidays. While I realize that my situation is not as dire as I see it, I fear the unknown. I fear leaving Redeemer campus with only a few clothes and enough money to bus around. I'm afraid of taking the train somewhere and holding on to the slim chance that a friend will be home and able to take me in. Instead of telling me what my Christmas should look like, I wish Hollywood would show me what it could look like:


Then I might get over myself and enjoy the unknown.

As I'm Leaving.

It's been a confusing season in my life.

I took on too much this semester. Yes,I am actually admitting it. I had no time for myself. I also had very little time fro a lot of friends. But that doesn't mean I lost all contact with people. I made quite a few new friends this year, and managed to build on the relationships I had, especially with Dan and Austin, who made time for ME. I realized this semester that friendship is a two-way street and it's not always up to me to make the sacrifices.

I lost my grandma this semester, just three weeks ago. Not that I knew her well, mind you, but losing a family member is still a strange feeling. I also missed her funeral, due to my aforementioned busy schedule. As well, my family is very complicated and I knew my presence was needed for some and definitely not needed for others. I'm still not sure how I feel about what I did.

I also realized this semester that I have an irrational fear of all of my friendships peaking and eventually petering off. I can't tell you why I feel like this, or where this fear came from, but for the first time in my life I don't feel my friendships are indestructible. I feel like they are as fallible as I am... and I don't know what to do about it.

I had a lot of rough times this semester, but also a lot of good ones. All in all, I enjoyed myself, but feel as though I have more questions than answers right now.
Next semester I start brand new.

I Need You So Much Closer.

True friends...
-Leave their bed to stay out all night and think with you
-Drive all night long with you to see your friend
-Hold your hand when it's cold
-Watch the moon with you
-Are honest, no matter what the truth is
-Stop keeping track of who owes who
-Can take correction when they're wrong
-Can correct you when you're wrong

We Are Wandering Home.

Words cannot express the love I have for these people. Nor can photographs accurately capture my unbelievable joy at having found what I refer to as "friend soulmates".
May I present to the world... Wandering Home.

Come Closer.

Let me feel you breathe

Let me hear you speak

To only me

Embrace

Come closer

Let’s crash

Your breath in my ear

Your hand in mine

Fingers interlocked

Holding

Your arm on my waist

Your heart and mine

Pounding in sync

Unison

Come closer

Let’s crash

Let me see your eyes

Let me touch your lips

With mine

Intertwined

This is the first song I've ever written. I'm still a little iffy on it, but the band (now officially named Wandering Home) seems to like it. So I have officially written a song!

The Days We Went Crazy

My current life:

- 8 courses, none of which I love, but only one of which I hate... unfortunately, that is my major
- IT desk, where I do readings and/or watch videos
- Language lab, where I generally do readings
- French/Spanish tutor, which seems to not be doing much lately
- Freeway Cafe, where I get to hear wonderful bands and serve people fair-trade coffee
- Debutante/Amy, our indecisively-named band, where I get to hang out with my best friends and do the one thing we love most
- CEW Team, where we basically dance and worship creatively
- Green Team, where I get to make sure Redeemer is taking care of the environment as best as possible
- Environment Hamilton, where I make sure Hamilton keeps up with Redeemer :P
- Small Group leader, where I get to lead some youngsters (they're pretty much older than me) in our meetings about God; think church, but little
- Small Group Ministries Leader, where I make sure all the people doing that are doing it well
- Outdoors Club, where I get to spend time with Redeemerites and nature... all at once!
- Choir, which we all know is my favorite, where I apparently get to meet my future soprano husband? (come on; we all know I'm marrying a bass)
- Revival Prayer Team Leadership, where I get to make sure that Redeemer students are actively living out their faith... by praying for them
- Deeds Leadership, where I plan short-term missions trips and lead them!
-M.Ed theses, where I am translating correspondences between M.Ed students and administrators in Haiti and Dr. Sider, a professor at Redeemer

Occasionally there are some meals in there, sometimes a bit of sleep. Not too much, but enough!

Deep thoughts.

It's sad how true this is.

I once sat on a couch with my three best friends, watching a fan go back and forth. It wasn't because we had nothing to say, it was because the fan was more important to us, and at that moment far more interesting than anything we could say.



Side note: they are still my best friends and the distance between us all is pretty hard. I have no doubt, though, that when we get together over Christmas, we will still sit in our comfortable silence.

"Godyssey"

The addition to Keith's blog in my blogroll is something of which you should all take note. For those of you who have had the privilege of knowing Keith, you know he is an incredible man of God. He is about to embark on an adventure which many Christians only dream about in the latest, darkest and most honest part of the night. Keith is driving South. I don't mean to Windsor, nor to I mean to somewhere in the United States. Keith is taking his little Toyota and driving as far south as one can get. Because he has been called to do so.

Says Keith: "Increasingly my existence is qualified by a mysterious connection of my heart to a supernatural entity that is forever outside of my comprehension and that I fumble to describe. I’ve never seen it and can’t explain it, but it exerts incredible force on a part of me, and in a way which, I don’t understand. But there is intelligence and compassion in it: life. . . personality. It has gained my trust and won my love, even returning it a thousand-fold. It has shown me truth and revealed His face."

Please keep him in your prayers. It is not every day that someone risks all they have for the gospel, especially not in our western world.

How to Save a Life.

Pack up your life
Into boxes and crates.
Go home to an empty house
Which is no longer home.
Unpack your life.
Pack up your life.
Move to a campus
Which is not quite a home.
Full of people
Who are not quite family.
Smile
Study.
Achieve.
Pack up your life
Into boxes and crates.
Move to another house
Which is not quite a home.
Repeat for four years.

Forever is Tomorrow is Today.

That's what I'm talking about :)

The Weekend Waltz.

Weekends are always nice. Weekends with with Dan Kikkert and Austin Miedema are tons of fun!

We went to Coffee Culture, where we drank coffee and discussed life.
We went to a concert where Dan played (and played very well!)
We went to a playground and played grounder.
We went to a free BBQ where a certain vegetarian was unhappy.
We went to a convenience store to buy a lot of energy drinks.
We went to the Gateway and played hide-and-seek.
We went to the beach and fought each other after spinning.
We went to the park and discussed life, death, disease and poverty.

I feel as though these boys are like brothers. They remind me of my old band, my old football team, and even my old tenor section. It's nice to be able to be yourself among a group of guys who see you as one of them and not some sex object. Such a blessing.

I'm sitting here now, missing Redeemer very much and getting very excited for the fall. Also, and I am sitting here, I am noticing that my laughing muscles are once again quite sore. :)

GObama!

As a supporter of Obama (uh-oh, political views!), I've been following the election with crossed fingers for what seems like an eternity. I thought most Christians (even the most conservative) had put their hopes in him with his promise of change and his hopes for peace. I was proven wrong last night.

Erica: 'Barack Obama: Change we can believe in,' Aw, I like that!
Dave: Obama is the anti-Christ

Family Snapshot

(A song by Peter Gabriel).

My family is strange to say the least. But I love them. Here I present to you my sisters, Lisa (14) and Brookeley (21). Brookeley lives in Ohio with her boyfriend Bryan. Lisa (or Greaseball, as I call her) lives at home. These are my parents. (Kind of). Mom apparently eats in church. She also believes Elvis is alive. Allan used to be a DJ. He has provided me with more musical knowledge than any brain should hold.
These are my grandparents on my mom's side. (Kind of). My Grandpa is silly and wears wigs and army helmets just for fun. He also catches turtles and keeps them as pets for three days. My step-grandma loves to email me funny pictures, videos and stories.
These are my other grandparents on my dad's side. They like to eat pizza a LOT. They have a dog named Scooby and he loves to follow Grandma from the counter to the table over and over again. Grandpa has a slot machine in his office.
This is my "adopted sister" Amber. We lived together and I couldn't live without her. We enjoy fireworks, funny movies, road trips, David Bowie and basically anything we do together.

All This Talk of Getting Old...

I love music. If you love music, you should find the following five songs and listen to them. They are incredible.

Fall For Anything -- Jeremy Fisher
The Drugs Don't Work -- the Verve
Life Is Beautiful -- Ryan Adams
Hallelujah -- Jeff Buckley
Boats and Birds -- Gregory and the Hawk

As a side note, most of you know by now that I love volunteering. If you were unaware, you now know. In any case, the place where I have chosen to volunteer is the Freeway Cafe. I received a very saddening email this week about some changes about to take place in the coffee house. Due to financial problems, my co-worker Randy will no longer be employed there. He is one of our only two paid employees. He trained me and taught me so much about Hamilton, safe biking and standing for what I believe in. Please pray for him and his family while they make this difficult transition. As well, the Freeway may be forced to close it's doors either permanently or temporarily, as I understand it. Please pray that we will see God's hand in this situation. I truly believe that He values the initiatives behind the Freeway and I know with all certainty that He will take care of us. Thanks for the prayers.

I hope all of you with outdoor jobs enjoyed the rain as much as I did today! :)

PS: Anyone know how to get rid of fruit flies?

It'll All Seem Better Somehow, in Time.

I'm running out of gas.
I don't like biking to work.
I don't like working 10 hour shifts.
I don't like my current lack of night-life.

But praise God that I have a bike to make work possible.
And that I have a job.
And that I am alive.

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.
-Eric Hoffer

Summer Loving.

I've said it before... This house is incredible.
Here are some pictures from our amazing Sunday at the beach...
(Don't mind the rolls... I've worked hard on them and I'm not covering them up with a smelly old one-piece).



Check out Kelsey's and my sweet shorts tans. Yay for outdoor jobs!

It says 'friends'. Yay for friends!

The waves were over our heads!


Just a little bit of roomie love. Sometimes Kelsey keeps me up snoring. Other times we laugh so hard we nearly puke. It's a fair trade.




Tree looks like a sailor :)


Trust me, the ultimate fear on my face in the last one is well-founded.

Living is Simple.

(Yay for Switchfoot).
I always hear stuff about 'talking the talk' and 'walking the walk'.
In my self-examination, I asked myself how I live out my values.
Here is what I came up with.
I challenge you to do the same!


Peace:

Existing in a state of harmony.

I choose to live peace by creating.

Truth:

Extending honesty, faith and sincerity to reality.

I choose to live truth by writing.

Love:

Passion, friendship, self-sacrifice, affection and desire.

I choose to live love by serving.

Hope:

A belief in a positive outcome.

I choose to live hope by believing.

Justice:

An aversion of inequality.

I choose to live justice by helping.

Beauty:

Positivly reflecting the meaning of one's own existence.

I choose to live beauty by capturing.

Community:

Directing all intent, belief, and resources to the benefit of all.

I choose to live community by volunteering.

Authenticity:

Truthfulness of origins, attributions, commitments, sincerity, devotion, and intentions.

I choose to live authenticity by playing.

You're Barely Scraping By.

(A line from Dashboard Confessional's song The Places You've Come To Fear the Most.)

Meet Jen.
Jen is a 70-something-year-old regular at the Freeway.
Jen has Paranoid Schizophrenia.
Jen killed her husband a while ago, before her diagnosis.
Jen has a friend who tells her to kill evil people.
Jen gave me a picture of the Freeway tonight, with 'Welcom Erica to the FRWY' written on the back.

Meet Junior.
Junior is a 39-year-old new attendee at the Freeway.
Junior has two children who are 4 and 6.
Junior is not allowed to see his children.
His ex-wife threatens to take them to Mexico if he tries to contact them.
His 6-year-old's birthday was a week ago and I've never seen someone so torn.

Meet John.
John is a 21-year-old homeless man who comes into the Freeway on Mondays.
John never orders anything but a cup of water.
John puts three pennies in the tip jar every Monday.
He has a dream to one day own a ranch where he can offer work to homeless youth.
John sleeps under the stairs at Copps Colliseum.

I wish I could fix everything.
I am learning.

Orange Juice Blues.

Three words: BASEMENT BOB DYLAN.




(Joel rocks my socks).

Darling You're Not Thinking Straight

Brief Life Updates:
-I have a second degree burn... covering my back. It's very pretty.
-I have a new job, and. I am enjoying it. The teams are sorted by ethnicity and I'm on the Portuguese/Spanish team. With the exception of the one Canadian girl, Amber, who was very lonely before I got there.
-I am already seeing a decline in my english grammar and accent. Oops!

Anyone out here like Imogen Heap? Yes? I am in LOVE with her song "The Moment I Said It" . Posting the lyrics can't truly do the song justice, but I'm not feeling very wordy currently, and trying to describe it would likely not result in you wanting to listen to it. So here are the lyrics. If they intrigue you look it up. 5 Stars.

The moment I said it,
The moment I opened my mouth
Lead in your eyelids,
Bulldozed the life out of me

I know what you're thinking,
But darling you're not thinking straight
Sadly things just happen we can't explain

It's not even light out,
But you've somewhere to be
No hesitation
No I’ve never seen you like this,
And I don't like it
I don't like it
I don't like it at all

Just put back the car keys,
Or somebody's gonna get hurt
Who are you calling at this hour?
Sit down, come round, I need you now
We'll work it all out together,
But we're getting nowhere tonight
Now sleep, I promise it'll all seem better,
Somehow in time

It's not even light out,
Suddenly (suddenly) oh, you've somewhere to be
With no hesitation
Oh, I've never seen you like this
You're scaring me
You're scaring me
You're scaring me to death
Don't…ohh (smash)
Please don't…ohh (and a-[please] nother one)
Don't…ohh (smash)
Please don't…ohh (and a-[please] nother one)

I'm losing you, I'm losing you
Trust me on this one
I've got a bad feeling,
Trust me on this one
You're gonna throw it all away
With no hesitation(Smash)

We Are Nowhere and it's Now.

(Bright Eyes rocks my socks right off).

If you're wondering what's new in my life, my employer hasn't paid me in the month I've been slaving away for him. I'm also planning on reporting him to the Health and Safety Standards committee since we use no safety equipment. However, I need my paycheck first. And then I will be jobless. I'm out of food already lol. Though, I have tons of peanut butter and potatoes. And I went resume dropping with Maryanne today, so we'll see if something turns up. As well, my father and I fought today over his alcoholism. I'm not as upset as I would have expected though, likely because he hasn't been around for a few (read:12) years. And I apparently have to choose between him and my mom and older sister. So I guess I chose my mom and sister. But not on purpose. If I could truly choose, I'd make us all love each other. Oh well! Also, I'm doing a CD exchange with Elle, and soon I get to see the next Star Wars movie in my continuing adventure called "Catching Up to All the Other Youth in Canada".

PS: I love this...

Catfish Blues.

(B.B. King. 'Nuff said).

"Is that fish still alive??"
-Most common quote heard in our house; referring to any one of our many fish.

The Feel-Good Drag

(A song by Anberlin, my current band crush).

Most of what David McWane says is hard to read with a smile. I find his writings to be brutally honest, if not pessimistic, and altogether too jaded to enjoy. However I couldn't help but let my mind wander into semi-agreement with him as I read this quote today:

"humanity keeps you in it's grid
with their laws, religions, social expectations,
adverts, healthcare plans, retirement threats,
hight rents, low wages.
with the fear of locals
news whispering to you loudly
and most of humanity
locked up in this grid of today's society
but not all - not the insane
not the crazed
not the drugs users
not the entrepreneurs
the artists
intellectuals
or the fortunate
no, not all of humanity is tamed"

Baby, You're a Rich Man

(That's by the Beatles. I hope you knew that).

1 Wake-up call: $0.35

2 energy drinks: $6.00
1 Work uniform: $138.00

Getting to work to find the truck isn't running: PRICELESS.

I Wanted to be Anything Different.

(A lyric from Different, a hauntingly beautiful song by Acceptance)

I have a to-do list. I used to make one at the beginning of every year, but this year I wasn't in the right state of mind to self-analyze. So, after being in a great and exciting place spiritually for a while, I have taken the time to examine myself and see where God wants me to go this year. And so far, this is what has come out of it. Keep me accountable please :)

- Find a long-term volunteer placement
- Cook a fancy meal for my house
- Keep in touch with Nathan
- Attend events both in Hamilton and Grimsby
- Get re-certified for my NLS
- Make a large donation to a cause I support
- Re-unite the "Fab Four"
- Get the Believe tattoo I have always wanted
- Get back to speaking terms with Sarah
- Write a song that I love -- not like
- Bleach my hair
- Healthily eliminate meat from my diet
- Eat a salad grown in my backyard
- Listen to every CD I own again
- Reduce my ecological footprint to 0.4
- Share a message in a formal setting
- Uncover and cultivate my strongest spiritual gift
- Build another drum kit -- smaller
- Create 5 inspired paintings
- Master my guitar
- Inspire somebody

PS: Italics = already done!

Teenage Heartbreak.

(A song by Eleventyseven).

While driving to a property this week, my co-workers and I saw a young pregnant girl on Barton Street. This is the conversation that followed:

Ashley: Everyone's pregnant nowadays!
Donna: Why?
Ashley: Love.
Erica: Welfare.

Side note: I bought blonde hair dye today...

My Alcoholic Friends.

(A song by the Dresden Dolls. Awesome lyrics.)

Parties are fun. Two in a row; twice the fun.
Here is a random party tip from Grimsby.

Kraft Dinner is really good when shared between ten best friends.

Grow Up and Blow Away.

(An album from Metric; worth a purchase if you're into Indie).

I have been very blessed this summer and able to take a step of maturity. I have been able to join a commune and rent a house. This step into adulthood has meant a lot to me. Getting the key from our superintendent, Hank, was one of the premier moments in my life as of now. I realize there are many downsides to this decision. I have been told countless times that the city in which I live is not a safe environment for a young lady to mature in, and I have experienced first-hand the terror of riding the bus alone and getting lost. Yet I have benefited more from this decision than I had expected, especially in lieu of the fact that I have yet to actually contact my potential employer and figure out where and when I should go to work.

Besides the psychological benefits of feeling mature, I have also been blessed enough to experience the rewards of living with more mature people. My dorming experience this year was less than rewarding. Living with five really irresponsible girls often left me in charge of tidying rooms, turning off lights and appliances and washing dishes. The most ridiculous part of all is that I am younger than each and every one of my dorm mates by a year or more. Therefore, it isn’t hard to see why spending a summer with fourth-year students and graduates is shaping up to be a nice experience.

The relief of knowing that dishes and chores will get done is beautiful. Even seeing dishes left in the sink doesn’t bother me, because I know that even if I wash these dishes I am not the only person tidying a mess that is not mine. And I know that often, these guys will clean up my messes. In addition to the beauty of a relatively clean living environment, I get to watch the interactions of mature people– meaning no cattiness. They aren’t clawing at each others' throats, aren’t forming alliances and spreading gossip, and aren’t blaming people for their own errors. In fact, these girls are modeling Christian love to each other in a way that I hope to learn and put into practice this summer and in the future. Even in the midst of disagreements, they are able to put their own feelings aside. It is a beautiful thing, and I am looking forward to the rest of the summer.

Time To Move On.

(A song by Tom Petty -- super good).
Since I am an expert at moving (I'd say 12 moves can qualify me for that title. I'd hate to be someone who's moved more than that!), I thought I would offer my suggestions for fellow house-shufflers.

1) Boxes don't always save space. Sometimes you need oddly-shaped things to cram into little spots in the van.
2) Sticky tack is NOT better off in a plastic bag. Just trust me.
3) Don't move in the rain if you can help it.
4) Dressers are lighter without the drawers.
5) Drawers can hold things inside them when they are stacked.
6) Hangers don't fit in boxes... unless they are metal and you have the time to bend them all.
7) Pay the housing deposit BEFORE you move in.
8) Buy some food before you move in. you know, in case you can't get to a grocery store for... say... 3 days.
9) Understand that boxes break and bags rip. But laundry baskets are eternal!
10) A phone line and internet connection are good things to set up. Soon.
11) Stealing the neighbor's internet connection is not nice.
12) Especially if you can only get it beside the window that has no view.
13) The longer you spend packing, the less time you will spend unpacking. You pick which one you want to take longer.
14) Having someone help you is always nice.
15) Having more someones to help is even nicer.
Bonus tip:
16) Don't let a metal bed-frame sit against a van window. In case of ... er .... sudden turns.

Give Peace A Chance

Dear Peace Sign,

Happy birthday! This month you turn 50. That's quite impressive, considering I'm seeing you more now than I ever have before. You're an interesting symbol with a compelling history and a bright future. You are recognised throughout the world, seen at every protest and you mean a lot to many people. You express what some words cannot. You appear on signs, buttons and shirts and you are a close friend of mine. Thanks, Peace Sign, for all the memories.

Sincerely, Erica.

You've Made Me So Very Happy

This is a very good day.
Very good.

1) My laptop came home
2) The weather is beautiful
3) I got to see the house for the summer
4) I fell in love with the house
5) I am an alto in choir
6) Next year is going to be amazing
7) I am learning all about real friendships
8) I realized I have a lot of them
9) I may have a job this summer -- outside!
10) I'm aceing exams left and right


RAD-FREAKING-TASTIC!

Earthquake.

(My favourite song by the Used... for now...)


I didn't brush my hair today.
I shrunk my shirt in the dryer.
My jeans are dirty.
I have a killer of a cold.
Today two people told me I looked good.

Redeemer, sometimes you rock my socks off!

I Shall Be Free

(That's a Bob Dylan song -- definitely worth listening to).

The summary of my awesome Easter:
1) Relaxing with my dormie Abby after everyone else had left. This includes listening to hippie music and unplugging everything in the house to save the environment.
2) Downloading a bit of tunage at Coffee Culture and running into a few old friends there.
3) Realizing Grimsby hasn't changed at ALL.
4) Having a staff reunion party with my lovely lady friends from Grimsby Public Library.
5) Going out with my step-dad's side of the family. Singing with my mom, sister and great-aunt too loudly. Getting our waiter, Ron, involved.
6) Hanging out with some old friends I haven't seen in too long. Watching a terrible movie. Eating an entire ice-cream cake.
7) Scaring myself by being alone in an empty dorm. Watching sweet movies.
8) Talking with Ashley on the phone for too long in the morning.
9) Biking to Hamilton and buying new cymbals with Jen.

I hope everyone else had an awesome Easter!

Make Me Smile

(A song by Chicago). Today, a study on what made me smile today:

Travelling, Memories
Old friends, New friends
Hippie dancing, Hardcore dancing
The 60s, 80s, 90s
Recycling, Compost
Musicals
Painting, Abstracts
David Suzuki
Coffee
Braids, Dread locks
Parties, Concerts
Mismatched socks
Dreams
Prayer
Piercings, Tattoos
Black shirts, Super-bright shirts
Coca cola
Anarchy
Caramel
Jeans with holes
Bikes
Summer, Spring
Pillows, Pillow fights
Office chairs that spin, Office chair races
Shopping carts, Shopping-cart jousting
Coloured lights
Grilled cheese
Guitar, Piano, Drums, Bass
Ethnic jokes, Ethnic diversity
Environmental Science Lab
Crocheted things
Scarves, Sandals
Lemon juice
Jello
Old people, Young people
Puns
Pennies
Sales
Computers
Boxers
Cats
Plaid, Polka-dots, Stripes
Soul patches
BBQs
Eyeliner
Sunglasses
Thunderstorms
Porches, Balconies
Flowers, Weeds
Clean dishes
Red hair
Records, CDs, Tapes
Choir
Music
Peace signs
Jesus

That's all that I smiled about from this morning until now.

Spring Makes My Fever Right.

(An Elvis Presley lyric).

Happy Spring everybody.

Winter has always been tough for me; I feel trapped, cold and almost always 'under the weather' for the whole season. But when I woke up this morning and heard dripping water that wasn't rain or wet snow...

I couldn't be happier than I was when I sat out on my porch today and listened to Ben Lee.

Happy Spring. Happy happy Spring.
God Bless!

Return. You Were Supposed to Return.

(That's a lyric from OK Go's "Return", an excellent song).

I'm feeling compelled to share my journal for today. Mainly because I'm feeling compelled to type it instead of write it, but I assume there's a reason for that.

Throughout the past few weeks, our dorm has lost much of the joy and unconditional love that it had at the beginning of the year. It seems that as we grow more comfortable with each other, we grow further apart. Why is this? I doubt I'll ever understand. However, this made the dorm environment less than 'joyful', and less than enjoyable. It got to the point where I would go to the music rooms or Library just to avoid going home.

But on Reading Week, I was blessed enough to be able to go on a tour of Québec and Ontario with Redeemer's Concert Choir. I had been excited for a while, but I had not fully understood what it would mean. I knew there would be a lot of work involved, but I assumed that by the end of the week relationships would have deteriorated much like my dorm. After all, seeing people every moment of every day for a week -- sleeping with them, being on the bus for hours, practicing in small areas, changing side by side, eating with them -- can be fairly grueling.

Words can never express how wrong I was. The people in Redeemer's Choir are unlike any other people I have ever met. Every person, no matter how tired or emotional made time for others. Everyone was joyful all the time. People allowed their toes to be stepped on, and I didn't hear one complaint all week. People showed unconditional love at all times.

I've never felt anything like I felt on choir tour. I haven't grown up in the church like a lot of people here at Redeemer, and my view of Christians has been tainted by a lot of past experiences. But if someone were to ask me to point out someone who truly lives out their faith, I would be forced to point to the other 34 students and 1 director in my Choir.

To be a part of it has been a great blessing... Even if I am just a tenor :)

The Superego, the Ego and the ID...

I enjoy Psychology class. I also enjoy Freud. In fact, I enjoy a lot of things! Like coffee. I enjoy deep conversations over coffee. I enjoy deep conversations. I enjoy deep conversations about God. I enjoy God!

Last night my dorm and I were discussing whether sarcasm is a good thing or not. One of my dorm mates claimed it is not God-honouring. I claimed that God knows the spirit behind it being a joke.

This led to a deep conversation about whether or not God has a sense of humour (and don't bring up the platypus). I sincerely think, if Jesus Christ were in the flesh among us today he would be the funniest man ever. My friend Abby can see humour in certain parts of the Bible. Like when God claimed it wasn't good for man to be alone. Picture what He was thinking! And when Jesus tells the fishermen to try the other side of the boat. The fisherman must have thought He was insane.  But I imagine inside that man was probably killing himself with laughter.

Weblog: web·log (wěb'lôg', -lŏg'), "blog"; n.

"A website that displays in chronological order the postings by one or more individuals and usually has links to comments on specific postings. " (American Heritage)

I don't like blogs, as a concept. To me, they seem a place to complain and whine. In general, they seem like fairly negative things that waste time and energy.

However, since my New Years' resolution was to journal daily, I thought I might be more likely to hold myself accountable if I knew people were watching.

Even if it turns out that only creepy people and stalkers read this, I will still feel obligated to write. And I will try with all my heart to not waste my time and energy with negative postings.

With that said, my post today will be to share a song that has greatly impacted me this year. I encourage you to look up the song/video. This band has been through a lot and they deserve a lot more credit then they get. No worries if you haven't heard of them, not many people have. But seriously, they are wonderful.

Winter -- by Bayside

When Winter falls
Next year, I'll be holding on
To anything nailed down
As for being patient, with fate and all, it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
Saying "sorry for this mess we're in,"
And I'm waiting, waiting
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,wash away the pain, and give me back control, control.

An angel got his wings,
And we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.

Should we still set his plate?
Should we still save his chair?
Should we still buy him gifts?
And if we don't, did we not care?
It makes you think about the life you've led,
The shit you've done, things you've said.
And it's grounding, grounding.
I've been feeling three feet tall this month,
Hardly indestructible.
But the snow melts, and the rhythm still goes on.

An angel got his wings,
And we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
Friends stay side by side,
In life and death you've always stole my heart,
You'll always mean so much to me, it's hard to believe this

These nights in vans,
These nights in bars,
Don't mean a thing with empty hearts, with empty hearts.

An angel got his wings,
And we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
Friends stay side by side,
In life and death you've always stole my heart,
You've always meant so much to me, it's hard to believe
So much to me, it's hard to believe
So much to me, it's hard to believe this.